Buying a house with your partner is almost as big of a commitment as getting married or having children. Becoming a homeowner is a major life milestone, and taking that step with someone else requires a lot of careful planning and discussion.
Before applying for a mortgage or going to open houses, you and your partner should make sure your goals are aligned and you’re both ready for this commitment. Here are nine questions you and your partner should discuss before buying a home together:
1. Where do we plan to live?
Location is one of the most important considerations when purchasing a home, and it should be one of the first things you discuss with your partner. As renters, you have the freedom to move out when your lease ends, so living in a less-than-perfect location may not feel like a big problem. Homeownership is a much larger commitment, though, so settling down in the right place is essential.
Where are your jobs located? Do you want to live near either of your families? Are you looking for a change, or are you happy in your current city? Do you prefer urban or rural living? You and your partner may have to make compromises to find a location that meets both of your needs. If you’re not sure yet where you want to settle down, take some time to think about it before rushing into homeownership.
2. Do we have financial concerns we need to take care of first?
Owning a home can be a great way to build wealth and achieve financial stability. However, becoming a homeowner when you’re stretched thin financially can backfire. Talk with your partner about any financial barriers you may need to overcome before you’re ready to purchase a house.
For example, you might feel it’s important to pay off your student loan or car loan before saving up a down payment. If you’re considering a career change, you may want to wait until you feel secure in your employment. Mortgage lenders will look at your income, debt, employment history, and credit report. Even if you get approved for a home loan, taking care of any existing financial burdens should still be a priority before you become homeowners.
3. What’s our budget?
Agreeing on a budget is another vital conversation to have with your partner. Look at your combined income, monthly expenses, and savings goals to see what you can comfortably afford for a mortgage payment. Leave some extra room in the budget for emergencies. If you don’t see eye-to-eye on the budget, consult with a financial advisor for neutral advice.
4. How will we divide the expenses?
Not only do you and your partner need to agree on a budget, but you should also agree on how you’ll split up the expenses. Some couples pool their income in one bank account and pay for all expenses jointly. Others split the bills 50/50. When one partner makes more money than the other, the couple might decide to split their expenses proportionally to their income.
There’s no right or wrong way to divide your expenses. What’s most important is that you both feel that the arrangement is equitable and manageable. You should also discuss what will happen if one of you experiences a financial crisis. For instance, if your partner loses their job, will you be able to pay their portion of the bills while they’re unemployed?
5. How long will we live in the home?
The length of time you plan to stay in your first home can impact your decision-making. In most cases, home buyers should plan to live in the house for at least five years before selling. Do you and your partner see yourselves moving again in five years, or are you looking for your forever home?
If you know you’ll be moving again, you may be more willing to make some concessions during your home search. If you’re buying your forever home, though, you might be much more picky.
6. Will we have kids in this home?
If you and your partner plan to have children, you should consider whether you’ll start your family in your first home. Not only can this impact the amount of space and number of bedrooms you’ll need, but it can also affect the location of your home search. If you plan to have kids soon, you might narrow down your search to towns with great school districts, childcare options, or community amenities like parks and libraries.
7. What do we need and want in a home?
Once you’ve established your budget, your ideal location, and your future plans, you and your partner should discuss your other needs and wants for a home. Both of you should list two or three things you absolutely need in your first house as well as two or three things you want.
No matter how compatible you and your partner are, you’re still unique people with different priorities in life. You should both be prepared to negotiate and compromise on some of your wants, but be respectful of each other’s deal-breakers.
8. What is our ideal timeline for buying a home?
Timing is a key part of the home-buying process. Are you ready to start looking for a home now, or are you thinking about buying in a few years? What does your partner think? Sometimes, one person is ready to jump into homeownership, and the other needs more time to decide what exactly they want in a home.
If you and your partner need time to sort out financial concerns or save a down payment, set a goal for when you’ll start actively looking for a home. Although you won’t be forced to stick to this goal, having a timeline in mind can help you stay motivated.
9. What will happen if we split up?
No one wants to think about the potential end of their relationship. If you and your partner are so committed to one another that you’re talking about homeownership, your relationship is hopefully very secure. However, no one knows what the future will hold.
Having an exit plan in case things go wrong will protect both of you. If you’re married, your joint assets will be protected by the law. If you’re not married, consider signing a cohabitation agreement to establish your and your partner’s financial responsibilities and the division of assets in the event of a breakup. The agreement should be discussed with and written by a lawyer.
Buying a house with your partner is an incredibly exciting prospect, but it’s also a huge commitment. You and your partner must be on the same page about your finances, your wants and needs, and your long-term plans. Having these important conversations before you begin your home search will set you up for success.
